(This was taken after Mike and I tested for our green belts and stepped up to the intermediate level in our martial arts class. Don't we look tough?)
The other night I had this horrible nightmare. I was at our martial arts class, doing a drill in front of the whole class when I tripped over someone's foot. Seconds felt like minutes as I stumbled and stumbled and stumbled trying to stop the inevitable from happening. I was going to fall flat on my ass in front of the whole class...
Oh. Wait. That wasn't a dream. I actually did that.
I fell in front of a lot of people. People that I see all the time. An ugly, horrible, embarrassing fall. A tons-of-momentum, can't-stop-it, fall-flat-on-my-ass fall. In my head I heard the lyrics from Ke$ha's song Timber, "It's going down. I'm yelling timber..."
I laid on the floor for what felt like forever. I think I was waiting for it to swallow me. I wish there was a way to explain how embarrassed I was because mortified doesn't even begin to do it justice.
After class was over I bolted out of there, got in my car, and cried. I told Mike that night that I was never going back. At that moment I couldn't imagine ever being in the same room with all those people without feeling completely humiliated and stupid.
I've always wanted to be one of those people who just brushes off things like that and doesn't let it phase them. But, I've never been that way. I'm sensitive, worry way too much about what people think about me, and I'm shy. I'm not one who likes to venture far out of my comfort zone or feel vulnerable.
But, guess what happened? Sometime during the night the courage fairy must have sprinkled some of her magic dust on me. (Or, I have actually been paying attention to what we are told in our martial arts classes!)
I woke up the next day, eyes puffy from crying so much the night before, and decided that I am going to be that person that just brushes herself off and doesn't let it phase her. Why not? I don't think it's written in stone that I have to be shy or scared. Who says I can't be brave and outgoing? I'm the only one who can allow myself to feel scared or humilated. I decided on that next day that I wasn't going to be embarrassed about it anymore. Instead I was going to laugh. And, most importantly, go back to class that very next day.
You know the crazy part? It was easy. People shared their falling-in-class stories and we all laughed about it. The biggest surprise was finding out how much empowerment it gave me to simply get up, brush myself off, and get back at it. I felt like a whole new person.
No, that's not it.
I am a whole new person. A better person. All because I fell and got back up.
Proud of you! (And great writing...for which I claim partial credit!)
MOM
Posted by: Debbie Sanders | 03/14/2014 at 10:32 AM
You already know how brave I think you are. Way to go!
Posted by: Stacey | 03/14/2014 at 10:40 AM
YAY for you Allison!!
However I find it hard to believe that YOU are shy! You are a CK Dream Team girl! a SOY award winner! and a Hall of Famer girl!And loved by scrapbookers WORLD WIDE!! How many people can say that?! Don't just get up girl...get up and kick butt! And remember just how special you are! :D
Posted by: Dolly | 03/14/2014 at 11:07 AM
I once had a similar experience when learning to SCUBA dive; i could not complete one of the skills and left the class early only to cry in my car and every day until the next class meeting. I returned to the next class early to ask the instructor for a second chance. He was very kind and agreed to allow me back in. Long story short, months after finishing the class and returning from a lovely SCUBA vacation, I went to the SCUBA shop to tell the instructor about all the things I did and saw. He admitted to me that in each class he expects at least one person not to finish...and that person for my class was ME!! Well, much to my and his surprise, not only did I finish but in another week I will be going on a trip where I hope to make my 400th dive!!! That class was nearly 14 years ago and I have been diving all over the world! Diving also inspired me to lose 100 pounds! You can do it...just put one foot in front of the other, show up and do the work!!
Great post!
Posted by: Marilyn | 03/14/2014 at 11:08 AM
I love you…that's all! Hugs!
Posted by: Katrina | 03/14/2014 at 07:53 PM
Dolly, what a sweet thing to say! Your comment made me smile! Thank you so much for taking the time to say that! :)
Marilyn, what a truly amazing and inspiring story! I'm so glad that you took the time to share it! :)
Katrina, hugs right back to you, my bestest scrappy friend! :)
Posted by: Allison Davis | 03/20/2014 at 06:04 AM